


As Things Should Be

by GayForDragons



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dissociation, Gen, Hanzo Shimada is Bad at Feelings, Hanzo needs to learn to cope, Near suicide attempt, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, a minific/flashfic of sorts?, it/its pronouns for when he dissociates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:34:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25892173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayForDragons/pseuds/GayForDragons
Summary: Hanzo's guilt and self-hatred has led to his twisted perception on things. There had to be some sort of relief from the pressure that is building.Why should something so twisted be allowed to continue, anyways?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	As Things Should Be

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, ya boi has been having mental health issues, so I wrote a fic based on my own dissociation issues. 
> 
> Please do not read if you feel it will trigger you. I do not want anyone to get hurt. ;_;

It felt pathetic, really, for even doing this.

_ I’m an adult _ , it argued as the blade sliced through its skin. Sure didn't seem like that, though. It felt more like an upset teenager, at any rate.

How did this even happen?

Well, it was only to be expected. It murdered its own brother, and then Genji came back, and everything just became too much. Too loud. Its blood thrummed angrily through its veins, a rushing sound deafening it, and its eardrums were ringing, and the situation was just  **too much** . He had come back.

He isn’t even human anymore. It didn’t feel human anymore, either.

And then the fool,  _ so naive, just as when we were younger, _ forgave it. Why? It had done nothing worthy of redemption. If anything, Genji had absolutely every right to kill it, get justice for the pain it had caused. He had a blade to its throat, he could’ve done it, but then he just pulled away. Why didn’t he kill it there? Why let something this toxic continue to manifest?

**A burden on the world, but-** _with death comes honor._

The blood dripped slowly down its thighs, and it scrunched up its nose as some of the viscous liquid seeped into the cracks of its prosthetic legs. The sensation of the cuts were soothing, they didn’t hurt, though the blood felt weirdly cold in the open air, and finally it could breathe a sigh of relief. This is what should've happened. This is what it deserved. To bleed. To suffer. To die.

Why did the room feel so stuffy?  **Why does reality feel unhinged?**

Earlier this day, in particular, it was at the Watchpoint,  _ why would they welcome a murderer, _ and it sat outside on the roof, watching the sunrise against the abyss of water beyond the rocks. In its hands, it cradled an empty bottle of sake, having not slept the entire night. It didn’t want to, it knew what would happen if it fell asleep, and so it let its limbs go numb and sat for hours, staring into the dark until the sun finally came. Genji had come up at some point as well, and they had a conversation,  _ with my dead brother, he’s supposed to be dead-  _ and it was happy to see him, regardless of what it showed outwardly. Of course, nothing good would ever last for it, when would a  _ monsterfreakburden _ murderer ever deserve joy?

They argued, because of course they would, and it ran. Locking itself in its room over something so childish was stupid, but what else could it do? Its blood was rushing again, it needed escape. Like a great beast held captive, its life force was too strong for the confines of its body. It felt too much. And so, he gave it the escape it yearned for, at the end of a knife,  _ a sharpened sword strikes down the same boy it had been raised with. “Anija, what are you doing-”  _ Its chest was hurting so much. Why was it hurting? Maybe its heart wanted to leave it, too? Though some would argue it doesn’t have a heart.

Perhaps it didn’t?  **It could always find out.**

Raising the knife to its chest, it took a deep breath and then exhaled, adding slightly more pressure to the blade. Why was it taking so long?  _ Coward.  _ It should’ve been dead long ago. Why was it here, in Gibraltar, these same sins crawling forth out of the shadows and haunting it? This was better for everyone. 

It pulls the blade away, preparing the stab, ready to finally make things right,  **as things should be-**

“Hanzo?” The same voice from earlier gasps silently, eyebrows scrunched together as he watches his brother suffer. It dropped the knife in shock, a momentary lapse, it hadn't even heard the door open. The blood had slowed down, but its actions were still glaringly obvious to Genji.

  
_ I could have sworn I locked the door earlier,  _ the elder brother thought as he sighed, and suddenly the world achingly clicked back together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, hope it wasn't too bad? Thinking of making a series just going through Hanzo's struggle with guilt, acceptance, and mental illness, etc? My therapist says I need to find an outlet, anyways, so why not throw it on my special interest? Haha. Anyways, please leave kudos if you would like me to actually write other stuff, if it isn't too much of a problem. Hopefully I'll be in a less shitty mood next time, haha.
> 
> Stay classy. ;)


End file.
